10 tips and quotes for resilience from a Holocaust survivor

To hang on, to keep going when things get tough. This makes or breaks growth. Whether it’s fighting through difficult circumstances of the pandemic or any other challenge , we can press on or get back up.

Had the opportunity to watch an interview conducted by my mother, Judi Gottschalk, featuring holocaust survivor and American psychologist Dr Edith Eger, organized by the San Diego Jewish Federation. The interview was remarkable. Constant chills. Could have listened to Dr Eger for days. My beautiful mother, a leader and inspiration in her own right did a fantastic job.

If there was ever a woman to teach about resilience, it’s Dr Eger. What she experienced and lived through shines perspective on personal battles. Put blankly, If she can look the depths of hatred in the face and breakthrough, there’s no telling what we’re capable of.

What moves me about Dr Eger is not only that she got through, but how she transformed. She experienced the valley of the shadow of death and turned it into heaven on earth. Living proof that we are the captains of our soul.

The full video interview is at the bottom of the page. Dr Edith’s quotes have corresponding time stamps with the video interview.

Tip 1: Find happiness within

“If you’re not happy alone, you are never going to be happy with anyone else” (18:36)

Dr Eger alludes to two experiences from childhood after becoming cross eyed at the age of three. Her sisters told her she was too ugly and she would never find a husband. Her mother told her she was lucky to have brains, because “she had no looks”. This ridicule forced her into isolation at an early age. THe silver lining is her isolation led to find strength and love in God . She holds the belief that we are unique, one of a kind, that there is no one on earth like you and ecstasy must come from the inside out. She mentions, “Life is from the the inside out, not the other way around, if you depend on someone else to make you happy, you’re never going to be happy”. “Self love is self care, it’s not narcissistic.” She tells young people to “be a good parent to themselves”.

Tip 2: Live by Example

Question: How can we help our own grandchildren and children succeed and overcome hardships in life, how do you build resiliency, strong coping skills and positivity in children?

“Children don’t do what we say, they do what they see, the best thing for children is a happy marriage” (16:13)

She says “love is not what you say, it’s what you do”. She feels that children having parents that are great role models is critical to develop a strong self esteem in children.

Tip 3: What you think you create

“I ask people to think about their thinking because what you think about, you create” (17:13)

When speaking to the young people in schools, she goes to the white board and writes “I Can’t”. Then erases the ‘t, turns to the class and states “I Can.” “Why? Because I think I can”. She encourages the students to dream big.

Tip 4: Tomorrow is not promised

“Maybe life is just one day, just one day, the morning sunshine is not coming back” (18:08)

She goes on to say that every moment is precious to the survivors.

Tip 5: Take Risks

“No one can reject me but me” (26:38)

Dr Eger believes there’s no such thing as rejection, that it’s a made up word to express how we’re feeling when we don’t get what we want. “No one rejects me, but me.” Don’t let anyone choose for you, you choose for yourself”. That risk is the best four letter word. She alludes to the point that life is not easy, there is no guarantee, there is no certainty, but there is probability.

Tip 6: Embrace your past

“Not to forget the past, not to run from it, not to fight it, I call my it treasured, cherished wound” (31:04)

Dr Eger remembers first coming to America and becoming aware of Thanksgiving. Her daughter told her they needed a turkey for Thanksgiving. Determined not to disappoint, although completely broke, she scrambled together 29 cents and bought a baby turkey. To this day, she buys a baby turkey along with the traditional size to remind her and her family where they came from. She describes that she never forgot what happened, she never got over it, she just came to terms with it.

Tip 7: Listen More

Question: How do we give strength to each other even when we don’t see eye to eye in our current environment?

“God gave us two ears and one mouth. Sometimes we talk too much, rather than listen. Listen and meet people where they are and treat them as if they were, what they are capable of becoming . (20:21)

She talks about not focusing on what we lost, but what we still have here.

Tip 8: Think Before You Speak

“I think it’s really important to think before you talk, to ask yourself is it important, is it necessary and is it kind?” (22:09)

She makes this statement when calling on the time her sister and her were naked and completely shaved in the concentration camp. Her sister turned to her and asked “How do I look?”. She describes that she had a choice, (mentioning it’s the same choice we all have in life). In that moment of decision, she realized that she was her sister’s mirror. She told her sister that her eyes looked beautiful and that she was never able to see them as well “with all that hair in the way”.

Tip 9: One day at a time

“One of the things I like to ask of people is to “Make it” one day at a time because I said to myself in Auschwitz that if I survive today, tomorrow I’ll be free”.

She goes on to say that she never even entertained the thought “I’m not going to make it”.

Tip 10: You control your response.

“What we learned about a place like Auschwitz is that they could put us in a gas chamber at any minute, we were beaten, we were tortured, but we learned we couldn’t change what was outside of me, it was up to me to never let the enemy murder my spirit” (29:38)

Dr Eger recalls a story after liberation, in her medical office. A 14 year old boy came to see her who was part of the White Supremacy. He told her the medical industry needed to be white again and that he was going to kill all the Jews and three other ethnic groups ( used with derogatory names). She says if she had reacted, she‘d have dragged the boy to a corner, stepped on him and said “How dare you talk to me like that, I watched my mother walk to the gas chambers”. Instead, she took a deep breathe and asked for guidance from God. She asked God “What do I do with that boy?” She tells that God said “find the biggot” in you. Confused at first, she quickly found the lesson and said to the boy, “tell me more”.

Conclusion:

We all face varying degrees of trauma and suffering. Most won’t face the level Dr Edith Eger went through. Nonetheless, her experience is relevant to every scenario where there are obstacles and resiliency is needed to push through. My hope is the next time you’re faced with a challenge, you’ll remember Dr Edith’s words and you’ll be inspired to reframe it into your own heaven on earth.

Which tip or quote resonates with your life? How do you overcome challenges in your life? What’s an example of how you’ve demonstrated resiliency in your life or witnessed in the life of another? Comment below.