How Do Different Perspectives Work?
Definition:
Perspective: The state of one’s ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship. https://www.dictionary.com/browse/perspective
Intro:
Hi my name is Jeff Gottschalk, I’m an entrepreneur from Arizona and Founder at Root Momo. I’m fascinated by human potential and its related processes. I’m always asking and wondering how things work and why we do them. My writing is a way to organize these thoughts and the answers I find ( at least how I perceive them ;) ).
Why I’m writing this:
I’m writing this particular piece on perspective because it’s probably the most powerful topic of them all, yet an area I don’t spend enough time evaluating. Inherently, I feel it’s the cause of a lot of suffering for myself and many others. So I hope to gain deeper understanding through the piece that I can put into practice and that can help others.
What’s the brain science behind a perspective?
“When the focus is trying to understand what externally driven sensations refer to in the world, mental activity is called perception. Scientists are asking how the brain makes predictions about what is the meaning of the current sensory array ( how we process information) from the world, allowing us to know our relation to the immediate surroundings in a moment-to-moment way and act accordingly.”- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2763392/
As foundation, let’s look at how thinking works.
Thinking
Simply put, nerve cells detect and transfer information to other nerve cells and then send signals to our body.
Updating is a key component. We depict experiences as images in our mind to gain context, which are then stored in the nerve cells. The cells have the ability to transform or “update” as new information becomes available. One way we frequently update is by making comparisons. Comparisons helps to identify things outside our current context.
Here’s an excellent and brief explanation on thinking from Brad Postle, professor of psychology and psychiatry at University of Wisconsin-Madison. Provided are nice examples of how thinking works.
Why is it hard to see other’s points of views?
One barrier that psychologycompass.com suggests is:
“Adjusting from an egocentric default: The most essential aspect of seeing things from someone else’s point of view is being able to look beyond your own perspective. This can be extremely difficult, because your perspective is immediate, automatic, and easy. In contrast, reasoning about another person’s mental state is slow, deliberate, and difficult.”
Essentially, in most cases we’ve already done hard work to create our beliefs and values and taking the time to put those on hold and consciously adopting beliefs of others can be uncomfortable.
An example is deciding to become a regular at the gym again. Skipping the thought of going to the gym has become automatic. We try to pick it back up and notice intense pain. We push through this initial hump and momentum takes over. We feel empowered and begin to feel the benefits of being in shape. The thought of skipping workouts again becomes too painful to act on because we know what it took to get here and the new benefits far out way “the comfort” of our old ways.
Like anything challenging, the WHY to do it needs to be incredibly compelling and beneficial. So why should we do the painstaking work to see other’s perspectives more clearly?
Why?
I think the biggest reason to desire seeing others’ perspectives is love. Deeper love. I think this is the greatest gift of life. Yes, generating immense self love is critical, this is step 1. I think ultimate love is experienced when shared with those around you. If “The Ultimate” is the goal, we need connection with others and must embrace successful perspective strategies.
Love & connection impacts all areas of our lives. Successful implementation Improves:
Socializing
Empathy
Persuasion( greater influence/impact)
Learning
Example:
Let’s say your boyfriend/girlfriend are having a conversation and out of nowhere he/she says they want kids and they want them now. You didn’t see this coming. Immediately you jump to the position that there’s no way in hell you’re having kids now .Quickly, you resort to anger, frustration and cut off the conversation. Your partner is left angry and sad. Distance and bitterness ensues.
Flip the script:
Let’s say your boyfriend/girlfriend are having a conversation and out of nowhere he/she says they want kids and they want them now. You come back with great questions to gain insight. Why do you want kids? Why do you want to have kids now? How many kids do you want? How will this improve your life? How do you see this improving our lives together? Will we need to make shifts as a couple to make this happen? Etc. Questions, Questions, Questions. You listen patiently to the answers without judgement.
Potential Outcomes
- “Wow”, I actually think kids would be incredible! A vision of love from your partner and new kids creates excitement for the future.
2. You determine the reasons don’t align.
Decision
You have a decision to make. Do you believe in their desire and want the same for yourself?
Best to step away?
Can a compromise be made?
In my opinion, there’s not a right or wrong here. Only you will know.
Which road do you think garners more love and respect for your partner?
Which road promotes self discovery, self growth and has the chance to make meaningful impact to others?
I personally reside with the question route. If taken, regardless of the outcome, the perspective work was done. You listened without judgement and paved a clearer path forward.
When this is done with respect on both sides, Hallelujah!
Here’s a fun and simple video to showcase seeing someone else’s point of view:
How?
Don’t Assume
In her article, What it takes to truly understand other perspectives, Amy Leslie suggests that instead of guessing, assuming, and making judgements, the only way to get another person’s perspective is to ask that person to “honestly and accurately” report what’s actually going on in their minds.
Tactics
In the article, The 4 Parts To Successful Perspective Taking, Cindy lays out 4 parameters for perspective success.
- Set aside your thoughts, feelings, motivations & intentions, momentarily
- Consider others’ thoughts, feelings, motivations & intentions
- Determine whether or not your behavior should change based on that information
- Make any necessary changes
Ensuring that we accurately share our perspective is important too. Your partner needs this information to ensure their message is portrayed as intended.
Make it relatable.
If we know people will automatically interpret how something impacts themselves, it will make it easier if we do it with things they already understand.
An example
Had a conversation with a friend a couple months back about my experience with becoming a software engineer. We discussed a new app concept he had in mind. He’s an engineer himself, within the automobile industry. It was interesting to me how perplexed he was about creating an app, given his technical background.
I immediately broke it down into comparisons.
“You see, (friends name), the trigger for the app is a function or event, this is like pushing on the break or gas pedal in a car. When something happens, then something else is going to happen and we need to store the outcome. In apps we do that with a database, this is similar to what you call a “Black Box” in the auto world. The place that records our actions and the results.”
I think you get the point. I went on to explain many more comparisons. He quickly gained confidence in the process when he realized the “system principles” are the same, it’s just a new syntax (word meanings) he needs to uncover.
As humans we are always interpreting how things affect us and what meaning we want to attach. Making it easy for others to attach themselves to your message will improve communication.
Conclusion
Perception defines the quality or lack of quality in life. Taking the time to study and improve it will move mountains in your life.
